World of Wasabi

and counting

The birthday is looming over me ..... two days away. I will be in Tampa with my sister and my Dad. Lord, help me!

Eating out

I eat alone a lot. So normally I just walk into a restaurant and tell the hostess that I’m going to the bar area. Sometimes I sit at a table if I don’t feel like talking to anyone or I sit at the bar if I feel like conversation. So most times I choose the bar.

So last night I went to Outback Steakhouse for dinner, I take a seat at the bar, order my dinner and a glass of wine. They serve steak there but I didn't think that it was considered to be a meat market. =)

Anyway, there is a very good-looking man sitting about two seats over with no one in between us. He initiates conversation though the bartender. You know how you talk to someone by joining in a conversation between two other people. He was real estate investor – about 35 – dark hair – nice looking – a tab bit on the skinny side but definitely a nice build. I decided that he was worth talking to so I asked him a direct question. We talked for a while about business – traveling – the weather – eating alone and food. He asks me if I’ve been to the Sushi place down the street? Well I haven’t but I’ve been wanting to go and told him that. He said that he had almost stopped there but came to Outback instead and that we should meet up and go tomorrow night. I said sure I’d love too; it’s so much better than eating alone. So I give him my card and it’s a date. I sit back in my chair, sort of smile to myself and think, cool this really might be alot of fun.

THEN I noticed it! The ring! It glistens in the light as he raises his hand to answer his cell. He says “Hey baby” into the phone and kind of shoots me a sideways sheepish glance. Done deal --- I fall from 'extremely interested' to 'you fucking asshole' … in about 8.2 seconds.

I’m not that kind of girl – shithead!

someone

Is there someone out there for everyone? I mean really? Today I went to the mall and I was just watching people and people are just paired off. Two by Two. Coupled. And so how did they meet? Are they in love? Was it just happenstance?

The odds are we won't meet THAT person. There's billions of people on the earth and we have one fucking soul mate? Really how ridiciulous is that? Hello fucking Hollywood. But yet that is who I am searching for. That one. The one who understands me. That one who gets me and is like me or not like me but loves my difference. And that means I'm a fucking romantic, we all want love and acceptance --- what I really think happens is that people find someone that is somewhat compatible and settle for it. Otherwise how do people stay together?

But the quest for finding that person is a bitch - those lucky people that find that person young are truly blessed. But I wasn't one of them. And now I am middle aged and it isw so fucking hard because my stadards are soooo high - how do you do it? Someone tell me please! Give me some insight?!?!?!

Wild World

Now that I've lost every thing to you
You say you wanna start something new
And it's breaking my heart you're leaving
Baby I'm grievin'

But if you want to leave take good care
Hope you have a lot of nice things to wear
But then a lot of nice things turn bad out there

Oh baby baby it's a wild world
It's hard to get by just upon a smile
Oh baby baby it's a wild world
I'll always remember you like a child, girl

You know I've seen a lot of what the world can do
And it's breaking my heart in two
Because I never want to see you sad girl
Don't be a bad girl

But if you want to leave take good care
Hope you make a lot of nice friends out there
But just remember theres a lot of bad out there

Oh baby baby it's a wild world
It's hard to get by just upon a smile
Oh baby baby it's a wild world
I'll always remember you like a child, girl
Baby I love you

But if you want to leave take good care
Hope you make a lot of nice friends out there
But just remember theres a lot of bad out there

I was driving across Texas today and this song came on the radio - now I am only in my 30's but this song brings back some memories. My Mom is 15 years older than me and was only married a few years of my life - I remember her singing this song in the bathhroom getting ready to go somewhere - it was a song that made her happy and sad in one breathe. But I loved hearing her sing ....

She would dance around and grab my hands and lead me around the kitchen, dancing but making sure that I got the lesson - ooh baby, baby it's a wild world - it's hard to get by on just a smile, girl ....

And it is - it's a VERY tough world and my smile only get me so far .... but not as far as it might once have. Today I had a day where smiling was the hardest thing to do ....

And it didn't get me anywhere - but still the tune played in my head... and I still had a smirk that I knew the day would end soon and I would be fine, because for one more day I have survived the "wild world" and I got by not only on just a smile ... Girl. Baby I love you .....

I called my Mom just to say hello .....

German Chocolate

Today is my Grandma's birthday - she and I are August babies and would share cake with family every year. But she passed away last October from cancer. I have missed her severly all day. I talked to her in my head while driving, you know just an update, asked her how things have been - if she misses me as much as I miss her. Happy Birthday Grandma. I love you. I think I'll skip the cake this year .... it's not the same without you.

Friendless in Dallas

I know I posted once today but I guess I got alot to say ....

I travel lot for work - in fact I am on the road more than I am at home - home being Kansas City, MO. My family and friends are all still there. But for this five week stint - I am just right outside of Dallas. There are other consultants in the area within driving distance but I am wanting to meet new people.

I have a need to expand my social circles. They have become quite miniscule lately.

It's not that I don't meet new people all of the time - it's just that I meet new people through business and have to keep them at arm's length.

So if you have happened on to my blog here and are in the Dallas area - let me know what's going on. What's fun, places to go, things to see - where do the cool kids hang?!?!?

Anyway - even if it's just for an online chat ---- let's talk it up for a moment or two ....

All Broken Up

Well I finally let him go. I had been dating someone for over a year. It started out as a "let's see if I can be in a committed relationship again" after the horrible year of "I have no respect for myself" dating. And it went very well for the first few months. But once I realized that someone could still fall in love with me the challenge began to dwindle .... and when I also realized that I had all of the control in the relationship - it started to fall apart. Not for him, just for me. He is still very in love with the "idea of me". Not really in love with who I am. How could he be, when he wanted me to change everything about me that doesn't fit into a tidy neat little package of his perfect girlfriend and eventually a wife.

He is a fantastic person. A very kind, gentle, caring, thoughtful person. He was faithful, with great values and morals. He will make some woman very happy one day. It just wasn't me. I wasn't ready or in love with him.

He wasn't ambitious enough. He wasn't a planner. He didn't strive for self improvement and was a tad bit complasive. I just couldn't handle that. If I thought I could have changed those aspects of him, maybe I could of had hope --- I even tried but those were attributes that were already ingrained in his character.

So as much as it did hurt - I let him go. And now he hates me. It's a very fine line, isn't it ....