Well I finally let him go. I had been dating someone for over a year. It started out as a "let's see if I can be in a committed relationship again" after the horrible year of "I have no respect for myself" dating. And it went very well for the first few months. But once I realized that someone could still fall in love with me the challenge began to dwindle .... and when I also realized that I had all of the control in the relationship - it started to fall apart. Not for him, just for me. He is still very in love with the "idea of me". Not really in love with who I am. How could he be, when he wanted me to change everything about me that doesn't fit into a tidy neat little package of his perfect girlfriend and eventually a wife.
He is a fantastic person. A very kind, gentle, caring, thoughtful person. He was faithful, with great values and morals. He will make some woman very happy one day. It just wasn't me. I wasn't ready or in love with him.
He wasn't ambitious enough. He wasn't a planner. He didn't strive for self improvement and was a tad bit complasive. I just couldn't handle that. If I thought I could have changed those aspects of him, maybe I could of had hope --- I even tried but those were attributes that were already ingrained in his character.
So as much as it did hurt - I let him go. And now he hates me. It's a very fine line, isn't it ....
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